Out with the old, in with the new!

That's right, my cancer journey is still not over but soon it should be!  Radiation was finished 9 months ago on November 10th which means my body is healthy enough for surgery.  Tomorrow I'll be going in for a bilateral mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction.  In layman's terms, a surgeon will take off the boobs that tried to kill me  and build new ones all in one big surgery.  It's really a pretty amazing process.   
Tomorrow will consist of a minimum 8 hour surgery, followed by at least 4 days in the hospital and 6 weeks off work.  After my mastectomy, a plastic surgeon will come in and remove veins and arteries from my abdomen, place them inside my rib cage, remove the baby fat from my stomach and use it to build new boobs. 
It's been a crazy ride!  I have had MANY ups and downs since finding out the date of my surgery.  Some of the big ones are losing a part of my body (even though it will be rebuilt it's not the same), have a rebuilt belly button (they will use that skin to graft over the skin they remove and have to cut a new belly button), losing an entire day in surgery, and the perception that I am getting a boob job and tummy tuck.
That last one has been a big one.  Yes, my body will look different when it's all said and done.  I should have a flatter stomach and new boobs. However, this was never in my wildest dreams something I wished for or imagined.  Please keep in mind, that my "boob job and tummy tuck" are not my choice.  It came with months of agonizing over my cancer diagnosis, sleepless nights, six rounds of chemo, losing my hair, my appetite and my sense of taste, a lumpectomy, and 25 rounds of radiation, the effects of which are still noticeable on my skin and have caused months of pain.  So yes, I suppose it's a perk of cancer, but there was a huge cost. 
I am nervous and excited for tomorrow, ready for this journey to be over and not sure what I'll do when it's done.  Cancer has been a part of my life for the last 18 months and I know my life will never be the same. 

One Year Later

A single phone call that would so drastically alter the course of my year it was unimaginable at the time.  Will always remember the call and how it felt to hear those words? It's weird but  I kind of hope I do.  It has been one of the most trans-formative years of my life. It ranks up there with the years my kids were born and that was a pretty big deal 😊

This year has brought me some rough weeks, more doctor/hospital/clinic visits than I could ever imagine, new hair, tears, and a new perspective on life.  I don't take life for granted anymore, I try not to get caught up in the little things, and am trying to focus on living in the moment.

I joined a club that no one wants to join, but in it I have met some incredible people.  I have met some amazing women that  I would not have met otherwise.  True warriors some that have been survivors for years, some that are going thru this with me, and some that are recently diagnosed.  They are all such a great support system!

I can unequivocally say that people are good!  I received so much love and support from family, friends, colleagues, and complete strangers. I have seen unbelievable generosity from so many people.  It is completely overwhelming!  I thank everyone that reached out to see how I was doing, that provided meals, brought me fun gifts to help me through the rough days, sent flowers, and so much more. At school students smile and say hi to me more than before.  Maybe they feel sorry for me, maybe I just seem more human, maybe I am smiling more, regardless of the why I like it,

As I look back, I think that I am kinder, my faith is stronger and I certainly appreciate life more. Spending time with my family and trying to make a difference, that's what's most important to me know.

I will forever wear a survivor shirt and I will wear it with pride because it's been a long road and I am a survivor!

Radiation, it's just a really strong xrays.

Yep you read that right, radiation is a really, really strong Xray.  When I went the very first day, I expected beams or something visible shooting into my skin.  Nope.  Then I attended a Radiation 101 seminar and found out that is was xrays. The treatments were not painful.  The doctor, dosimetrist, and techs worked very hard to make sure they were radiating very specific parts of my body especially because the cancer is on the left side, they wanted to be sure to miss my lungs and heart as much as possible.  The first day, consisted of me laying on the "bed" with my arms over my head for almost 25 minutes (that was the most painful part of the process) so they could take lots and lots of pictures.  That day I also got 4 "complimentary" tattoos (those were my doctors exact words. Guess you have to have a sense of humor in this business 😄).  The next time I went in was for a dry run.  They took more pictues, gave me another tattoo (see pic below) and made sure everything looked good for the real thing.

Finally on my third visit, the radiation started.  The biggest surprise other than not seeing any rays was the fact that it all took less than 5 minutes from when the techs leave the vault (a room with 3 ft thick cement and metal walls, ceiling and floor) till they come back in.  Below is a pic of what the radiation comes out of.  The light is the radiation field. 

Fast forward five weeks and I'm finished!  Graduation day is what they call it.  

It was a breeze compared to chemo.  I dreaded the 25 minute drive everyday and learned to love it thanks to podcasts. I spent a quiet few minutes in the waiting room everyday (sometime is was more like 30-45 minutes), met some really nice people, had amazing radiation techs (see below for a selfie with my favorite tech), and got a massage every Thursday.  

I did end up with a few burns, but I actually had very few side effects.  The worst burns are on my collar bone

 The burns show just how precise the radiation field is

and went right thru my body to burn the other side (if you look closely, that pattern looks like the light of the radiation field in the picture above).

When it was all said and done, it really was not bad at all. 

Weird as it sounds, I'm kinda going to miss it.  Well, not the burning of my skin 

but you get the point.  

Lumpectomy, check

Last Monday, September 11th, I had my lumpectomy.  Honestly, the most interesting thing about it was being completely put under anesthesia.  That was a first for me!  Before my cancer diagnosis, I had always been very healthy.  I've never broken a bone, had minimal stitches and the only surgery I have had was my C section which I was awake for.  This was an interesting experience for sure!
I should probably start at the beginning of the day.  One of the first things they did after diagnosis was put markers into the tumors so that when they were gone, the surgeon would know what tissue to remove.  So my day started in mammography.  They needed to find and mark the markers.  Yep, mark the markers :-) Finding super tiny pieces of metal in my breast involved lots and lots of mammograms and it was uncomfortable!  They were successful in finding one.  When they did, they needed to inject a needle in to my breast with a hook on it that basically circled the marker.  I then spent the next hour with a needle hanging out of my boob! Before I left mammography, they my breast with radioactive liquid to help the doctor figure out which lymph nodes had been impacted.

Once I was done in mammography, I was wheeled up to surgery where the outfitted me in the stylish outfit you see above, took vitals, injected me with blue dye to also help identify the lymph nodes (interesting side effect of the dye was that I peed green for a week!),  gave me meds and talked to me about the above mentioned anesthesia.  I said good bye to Hitch and my parents, was wheeled into the operating room, took a few deep breaths from a mask and next thing I remember I woke up in the recover room.  WEIRD!

The surgery went well and all traces of the cancer was gone!  I was home for lunch, slept a lot the rest of the day, the kids (thanks to my mom) brought me flowers, and the pain has been very manageable. All in all, I'm a pretty lucky girl!  The anesthesiologist noticed some weird rhythms with my heart so I'm on the road to figuring that out right now.  I can't continue my herceptin until we figure out what is going on but I should still be able to start radiation on October 9th.  I'll keep you posted!

A Clear MRI!

I went for an MRI on August 25th to see if the chemo had done it's job and great news...it had!!!  The chemo masses were gone and my lymph nodes were back to normal size!  It doesn't change next steps, but it as nice to know that all those days of feeling awful were not for nothing.  So what are the next steps??? Well, I was prepared to a bilateral mastectomy next, then radiation, then reconstruction. I met with my surgeon on the 28th and she had a different plan, one that I love!! I am going in on September 11th for a lumpectomy, if all goes well I'll start radiation on October 9th, then sometime this spring I'll do the mastectomy and reconstruction in one surgery.  I love this plan because it means I will only have one big surgery instead of two.  

Some questions people have been asking....

So, why the lumpectomy?  They placed markers where the masses were and those need to be removed before radiation.  Additionally they need to remove the impacted lymph nodes before radiation.

Why radiation if I've done chemo and am doing a mastectomy?  It's all proactive.  The doctors what to be sure the are able to kill any small, lone cancer cells that are in that area before they have time to grow.  

Why a mastectomy if I'm doing everything else?  I don't want to do this again!!!  My cancer is hormone negative HER2 positive.  The HER2 likes to find cell and encourage the cancer to grow.  If there are no more boobs, then the chance of that type of cancer coming back is very small.  

And I'll finish with a picture that means more to me than almost any other picture I've taken.  My kids have been with me on this journey and they have been rock stars.  Thanks to my dear friend Tanja for capturing this moment!!

My Last Chemo!!!

Today I had my last chemo treatment!! It is a little hard to believe it's the last one, but it also has been a long few months.  With chemo being every 3 weeks, I did get a good week right before I went back in.  That's been nice!

So what have those weeks been like?  I'm very nauseous for about a week and mildly nauseous for almost all 3 weeks. My sense of taste comes and goes.  At it's worst, anything I ate tasted like paper for about 2 days, at it's best I can actually drink a beer and it tastes good 😊  Food tends to come out of my body the first week in rather unpleasant ways, I'll spare you the details.  In the beginning I got lots of bloody noses, some lasting for 10 minutes.  I think the humidity of Wisconsin, California, and even Colorado have helped those immensely!  I have a hard time sleeping at night although I've gotten good at napping and as you know, I lost my hair.

All in all, I also know that I my side effects could have been much worse.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but it could have been worse.  I didn't get any neuropathy, mouth sores, and my eyelashes are still hanging on.   My eyebrows are mostly gone, but hopefully the eyelashes survive.

  

It's been an interesting mental game and I just keep telling myself I can get thru the next few days and then this part will be over.  I've met a number of survivors recently and they all say this is the worst part...YAY!

So what's next?  I'll have an MRI in a couple weeks to see if the tumors are gone and if the lymph nodes have shrunk.  I'll meet with the surgeon and we'll get surgery scheduled.  I'm guessing it will be sometime in September.  Once I am healed from the surgery, I'll start radiation  I have not met my radiologist, so I'm  not exactly sure but sounds like maybe everyday for a month.  At some point after radiology, I'll have reconstructive surgery.  During all of this I will continue to get Herceptin every 3 weeks.  I can't remember how many of those treatments I need, but Herceptin is an antibody and only takes half an hour to get the infusion.  There are no side effects (hopefully) so it should be a breeze.

The road is still long and I am starting to get anxious because I have very little information about the next steps but I'm just going to continue this journey one day at a time.  

Did I mention that today was my last chemo 😊

Look Good, Feel Better

I just finished my second to last round of chemo....YAY!  Not feeling great, but it's easier to manage knowing that I only have to do this once more.  While on this journey, I have been amazed at the support from so many people and places.  One of the things I was able to take advantage of was the American Cancer Societies "Look Good, Feel Better" program. I got to spend an afternoon with 6 other women battling cancer and learned how to use makeup, wigs, and scarves to look better.  Additionally, I received a bag full of free makeup. It was both informative and fun and an awesome program put on the American Cancer Society!

 Check out the free products!!

Make over!!

It's amazing how different I looked and while it was fun to see a glimpse of my old self, mostly I just still hang out bald or wear a hat :-)