Radiation, it's just a really strong xrays.

Yep you read that right, radiation is a really, really strong Xray.  When I went the very first day, I expected beams or something visible shooting into my skin.  Nope.  Then I attended a Radiation 101 seminar and found out that is was xrays. The treatments were not painful.  The doctor, dosimetrist, and techs worked very hard to make sure they were radiating very specific parts of my body especially because the cancer is on the left side, they wanted to be sure to miss my lungs and heart as much as possible.  The first day, consisted of me laying on the "bed" with my arms over my head for almost 25 minutes (that was the most painful part of the process) so they could take lots and lots of pictures.  That day I also got 4 "complimentary" tattoos (those were my doctors exact words. Guess you have to have a sense of humor in this business 😄).  The next time I went in was for a dry run.  They took more pictues, gave me another tattoo (see pic below) and made sure everything looked good for the real thing.

Finally on my third visit, the radiation started.  The biggest surprise other than not seeing any rays was the fact that it all took less than 5 minutes from when the techs leave the vault (a room with 3 ft thick cement and metal walls, ceiling and floor) till they come back in.  Below is a pic of what the radiation comes out of.  The light is the radiation field. 

Fast forward five weeks and I'm finished!  Graduation day is what they call it.  

It was a breeze compared to chemo.  I dreaded the 25 minute drive everyday and learned to love it thanks to podcasts. I spent a quiet few minutes in the waiting room everyday (sometime is was more like 30-45 minutes), met some really nice people, had amazing radiation techs (see below for a selfie with my favorite tech), and got a massage every Thursday.  

I did end up with a few burns, but I actually had very few side effects.  The worst burns are on my collar bone

 The burns show just how precise the radiation field is

and went right thru my body to burn the other side (if you look closely, that pattern looks like the light of the radiation field in the picture above).

When it was all said and done, it really was not bad at all. 

Weird as it sounds, I'm kinda going to miss it.  Well, not the burning of my skin 

but you get the point.  

Lumpectomy, check

Last Monday, September 11th, I had my lumpectomy.  Honestly, the most interesting thing about it was being completely put under anesthesia.  That was a first for me!  Before my cancer diagnosis, I had always been very healthy.  I've never broken a bone, had minimal stitches and the only surgery I have had was my C section which I was awake for.  This was an interesting experience for sure!
I should probably start at the beginning of the day.  One of the first things they did after diagnosis was put markers into the tumors so that when they were gone, the surgeon would know what tissue to remove.  So my day started in mammography.  They needed to find and mark the markers.  Yep, mark the markers :-) Finding super tiny pieces of metal in my breast involved lots and lots of mammograms and it was uncomfortable!  They were successful in finding one.  When they did, they needed to inject a needle in to my breast with a hook on it that basically circled the marker.  I then spent the next hour with a needle hanging out of my boob! Before I left mammography, they my breast with radioactive liquid to help the doctor figure out which lymph nodes had been impacted.

Once I was done in mammography, I was wheeled up to surgery where the outfitted me in the stylish outfit you see above, took vitals, injected me with blue dye to also help identify the lymph nodes (interesting side effect of the dye was that I peed green for a week!),  gave me meds and talked to me about the above mentioned anesthesia.  I said good bye to Hitch and my parents, was wheeled into the operating room, took a few deep breaths from a mask and next thing I remember I woke up in the recover room.  WEIRD!

The surgery went well and all traces of the cancer was gone!  I was home for lunch, slept a lot the rest of the day, the kids (thanks to my mom) brought me flowers, and the pain has been very manageable. All in all, I'm a pretty lucky girl!  The anesthesiologist noticed some weird rhythms with my heart so I'm on the road to figuring that out right now.  I can't continue my herceptin until we figure out what is going on but I should still be able to start radiation on October 9th.  I'll keep you posted!

A Clear MRI!

I went for an MRI on August 25th to see if the chemo had done it's job and great news...it had!!!  The chemo masses were gone and my lymph nodes were back to normal size!  It doesn't change next steps, but it as nice to know that all those days of feeling awful were not for nothing.  So what are the next steps??? Well, I was prepared to a bilateral mastectomy next, then radiation, then reconstruction. I met with my surgeon on the 28th and she had a different plan, one that I love!! I am going in on September 11th for a lumpectomy, if all goes well I'll start radiation on October 9th, then sometime this spring I'll do the mastectomy and reconstruction in one surgery.  I love this plan because it means I will only have one big surgery instead of two.  

Some questions people have been asking....

So, why the lumpectomy?  They placed markers where the masses were and those need to be removed before radiation.  Additionally they need to remove the impacted lymph nodes before radiation.

Why radiation if I've done chemo and am doing a mastectomy?  It's all proactive.  The doctors what to be sure the are able to kill any small, lone cancer cells that are in that area before they have time to grow.  

Why a mastectomy if I'm doing everything else?  I don't want to do this again!!!  My cancer is hormone negative HER2 positive.  The HER2 likes to find cell and encourage the cancer to grow.  If there are no more boobs, then the chance of that type of cancer coming back is very small.  

And I'll finish with a picture that means more to me than almost any other picture I've taken.  My kids have been with me on this journey and they have been rock stars.  Thanks to my dear friend Tanja for capturing this moment!!

My Last Chemo!!!

Today I had my last chemo treatment!! It is a little hard to believe it's the last one, but it also has been a long few months.  With chemo being every 3 weeks, I did get a good week right before I went back in.  That's been nice!

So what have those weeks been like?  I'm very nauseous for about a week and mildly nauseous for almost all 3 weeks. My sense of taste comes and goes.  At it's worst, anything I ate tasted like paper for about 2 days, at it's best I can actually drink a beer and it tastes good 😊  Food tends to come out of my body the first week in rather unpleasant ways, I'll spare you the details.  In the beginning I got lots of bloody noses, some lasting for 10 minutes.  I think the humidity of Wisconsin, California, and even Colorado have helped those immensely!  I have a hard time sleeping at night although I've gotten good at napping and as you know, I lost my hair.

All in all, I also know that I my side effects could have been much worse.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but it could have been worse.  I didn't get any neuropathy, mouth sores, and my eyelashes are still hanging on.   My eyebrows are mostly gone, but hopefully the eyelashes survive.

  

It's been an interesting mental game and I just keep telling myself I can get thru the next few days and then this part will be over.  I've met a number of survivors recently and they all say this is the worst part...YAY!

So what's next?  I'll have an MRI in a couple weeks to see if the tumors are gone and if the lymph nodes have shrunk.  I'll meet with the surgeon and we'll get surgery scheduled.  I'm guessing it will be sometime in September.  Once I am healed from the surgery, I'll start radiation  I have not met my radiologist, so I'm  not exactly sure but sounds like maybe everyday for a month.  At some point after radiology, I'll have reconstructive surgery.  During all of this I will continue to get Herceptin every 3 weeks.  I can't remember how many of those treatments I need, but Herceptin is an antibody and only takes half an hour to get the infusion.  There are no side effects (hopefully) so it should be a breeze.

The road is still long and I am starting to get anxious because I have very little information about the next steps but I'm just going to continue this journey one day at a time.  

Did I mention that today was my last chemo 😊

Look Good, Feel Better

I just finished my second to last round of chemo....YAY!  Not feeling great, but it's easier to manage knowing that I only have to do this once more.  While on this journey, I have been amazed at the support from so many people and places.  One of the things I was able to take advantage of was the American Cancer Societies "Look Good, Feel Better" program. I got to spend an afternoon with 6 other women battling cancer and learned how to use makeup, wigs, and scarves to look better.  Additionally, I received a bag full of free makeup. It was both informative and fun and an awesome program put on the American Cancer Society!

 Check out the free products!!

Make over!!

It's amazing how different I looked and while it was fun to see a glimpse of my old self, mostly I just still hang out bald or wear a hat :-)  

Chemo....what exactly goes on???

Many of you have asked me questions and are curious about what chemo is like, I was too before I started.  For those of you that are curious, I'll share my experience.  

No, I'm not in a hospital room or a hospital bed.  I go to a clinic.  The room is full of chairs, comfy reclining chairs. I'm not sure how many chairs there are, but there are a lot and there are sadly, always a number of people there.

There is a great view and that certainly helps make it feel less sterile.

The drugs that I get are all clear, which is mentally easier.  Still weird to think that I am injecting poison into my body every three weeks that kills not just the cancer, but lots of good cells too.  Fortunately the good cell recover faster and allow me to feel decent for a few days before I go back in for the next round.

My chemo goes in through my port.  It doesn't hurt at all and allows me to move my hands and arms freely for the three to four hours I am in the chair.

3 down, 3 to go!

Hair today, gone tomorrow!

I hung on as long as I could but after seeing this in the mirror

And then realizing that Hitch and I had matching bald spots

I decided it was time to see what I looked like bald.

It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be and there are some upsides-

it takes me a lot less time to get ready in the morning, I will save money on 

hair products, hair cuts and color, and I get to go the whole summer without

shaving my legs!

Controlling What I Can Control

Tuesday May 2nd, the day my hair started falling out.  I had been nervous about losing my hair, worried that I'll have a ridiculous shaped head or being bald will only make my ears look even bigger. When it started falling out in the shower, I started to cry.  When I got out and lost more, I woke up Hitch and cried some more.  When I got to school, I went into my friends office and cried some more. I didn't expect to cry so much, but it turns out when your look is about to change so dramatically and you have no control over it, that can be hard to take.
So, after all the tears were dried I decide to control what I could control and cut it short.  It's not that my hair was particularly long for many people, but for me it was the longest it had been in 20 years. Cutting it off was liberating and made me feel amazing!

Chemo Day 1

Over 8 hours at the clinic, at least 7 bags of liquid, 3 lovely friends that came to visit, 2 awesome nurses and no side effects!  That just about sums up my first round of chemo.
I arrived at the clinic at 8 and they started me with a bag of steroids and two bags of benadryl.  I needed to let the nurses know if I started to feel weird.  I assumed they meant from the chemo (and they did) but I started to feel a little weird after the benadryl.  Turns out 2 bags of benadryl makes you feel like you've had 3 or 4 Jack and Coke's in a short amount to time :-)
Once I had those liquids in me, they started the chemo drugs.  The first time, they give the drugs slowly and then you have to wait an hour before they start another to make sure you don't have any allergic reactions.  I am getting 4 chemo drugs this time around.  For those of you that are interested, I am getting Herceptin, Perjeta, Taxotere, and Carboplatin. I'm sure that means nothing to most of you as it would have to me 2 months ago, but I also know I have a friend or two who will look them up out of curiosity (Aaron, if you're reading this I'm talking about you 😊)
I thought I would have time to read and watch a movie, maybe journal some, start this blog....turns out I talked with friends and slept.  Thanks to Meagan, Melissa, and Shari for coming to visit me!
Thankfully at the end of the day, my body had no adverse reactions to the drug and the biggest issue I had all day was the number of times I had to get up to go to the bathroom.  Turns out putting 7 bags of liquid and needing to constantly drink water makes one have to pee!

What Happens Next....

We had a family trip planned for the week after I found out and so I went and enjoyed the sea, the sun, and most of all my family.  I didn't tell anyone except Hitch and in hind sight it was nice to have some time to adjust to my new reality before the whirlwind that was waiting for me when we got home.

We got home my schedule was taken over by doctors visits and procedures.  I have Kaiser insurance and I can not say enough good things about how quickly they responded and how thorough they have been (quick political plug, I am now a person with a pre-existing condition and will hopefully always be able to get good insurance)

They knew that I had cancer, but since the mammogram showed nothing, my first procedure was an MRI. It showed that I had 3 sites in my left breast.  Next they needed to biopsy the sites.  Two they were able to find with an ultra sound, the third one they could not.  Which meant I needed an MRI biopsy.  Results showed that two spots were cancerous and the third was not.  That was good news since it meant the cancer had not spread past the two sites and the two lymph nodes.  The doctors also needed to make sure the cancer hadn't spread to other parts of the body and they do that with a PET scan.  I didn't realize that a PET scan involves injecting liquid radiation into my body for a minute and then waiting an hour to let it travel all through my body.  Not gonna lie, that freaked me out a little.  The nurse reassured me by letting me know I would only be radioactive for 24 hours. I met with a surgeon and met my oncologist (who I love!). He explained my chemo regimen and what to expect.
The last steps before starting chemo was an echo cardiogram to make sure my heart was healthy enough to withstand the chemo (it is 😊).  I also decided to have a port inserted into my chest.  I will have 18 chemo treatments total and the port will be easier than having the needle in my veins. Between the biophys and port insertion I looked like I had been in a knife fight.
Oh, and I had lots of mammograms!

For those of you that are interested or familiar with breast cancer, I have estrogen/progesterone negative, HER2 positive cancer

It Wasn't a Mammogram

Mammograms are great.  They help find cancer in many women. A mammogram was not how I found out I had cancer.  My shoulder was how I found out.  My shoulder had been hurting for weeks and I finally decided to go to the doctor.  While she was examining me, she discovered  I had swollen lymph nodes.  She sent me for a chest x-ray and a mammogram both showed nothing. The next step was a biopsy on my lymph nodes which tested positive for cancer.  

What about the shoulder pain?  Completely unrelated.  However, as soon as I received the diagnosis, the pain was gone and no doctor could explain it.  I have an explanation, divine intervention.  If my shoulder had not been hurting, I would not have gone to the doctor and who knows how long until I would have found the cancer.  God works in mysterious ways!

The Day I Got the News

March 22, 2017 the day my life was divided in two parts.

That was the day I found out I had cancer. I was in the parking lot at the bank and returned a message from the doctors office.  I hoped it was good news, but a part of me knew what the news would be. I think maybe some part of me had always known..Still, I wasn't prepared for the words "the test results show positive for breast cancer".  I remember the lady on the other end of the line telling me to take deep breaths and  I remember how kind she was, she has to give people terrible news all day and yet she did it with such kindness.  And then I cried.