Hair today, gone tomorrow!

I hung on as long as I could but after seeing this in the mirror

And then realizing that Hitch and I had matching bald spots

I decided it was time to see what I looked like bald.

It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be and there are some upsides-

it takes me a lot less time to get ready in the morning, I will save money on 

hair products, hair cuts and color, and I get to go the whole summer without

shaving my legs!

Controlling What I Can Control

Tuesday May 2nd, the day my hair started falling out.  I had been nervous about losing my hair, worried that I'll have a ridiculous shaped head or being bald will only make my ears look even bigger. When it started falling out in the shower, I started to cry.  When I got out and lost more, I woke up Hitch and cried some more.  When I got to school, I went into my friends office and cried some more. I didn't expect to cry so much, but it turns out when your look is about to change so dramatically and you have no control over it, that can be hard to take.
So, after all the tears were dried I decide to control what I could control and cut it short.  It's not that my hair was particularly long for many people, but for me it was the longest it had been in 20 years. Cutting it off was liberating and made me feel amazing!

Chemo Day 1

Over 8 hours at the clinic, at least 7 bags of liquid, 3 lovely friends that came to visit, 2 awesome nurses and no side effects!  That just about sums up my first round of chemo.
I arrived at the clinic at 8 and they started me with a bag of steroids and two bags of benadryl.  I needed to let the nurses know if I started to feel weird.  I assumed they meant from the chemo (and they did) but I started to feel a little weird after the benadryl.  Turns out 2 bags of benadryl makes you feel like you've had 3 or 4 Jack and Coke's in a short amount to time :-)
Once I had those liquids in me, they started the chemo drugs.  The first time, they give the drugs slowly and then you have to wait an hour before they start another to make sure you don't have any allergic reactions.  I am getting 4 chemo drugs this time around.  For those of you that are interested, I am getting Herceptin, Perjeta, Taxotere, and Carboplatin. I'm sure that means nothing to most of you as it would have to me 2 months ago, but I also know I have a friend or two who will look them up out of curiosity (Aaron, if you're reading this I'm talking about you 😊)
I thought I would have time to read and watch a movie, maybe journal some, start this blog....turns out I talked with friends and slept.  Thanks to Meagan, Melissa, and Shari for coming to visit me!
Thankfully at the end of the day, my body had no adverse reactions to the drug and the biggest issue I had all day was the number of times I had to get up to go to the bathroom.  Turns out putting 7 bags of liquid and needing to constantly drink water makes one have to pee!

What Happens Next....

We had a family trip planned for the week after I found out and so I went and enjoyed the sea, the sun, and most of all my family.  I didn't tell anyone except Hitch and in hind sight it was nice to have some time to adjust to my new reality before the whirlwind that was waiting for me when we got home.

We got home my schedule was taken over by doctors visits and procedures.  I have Kaiser insurance and I can not say enough good things about how quickly they responded and how thorough they have been (quick political plug, I am now a person with a pre-existing condition and will hopefully always be able to get good insurance)

They knew that I had cancer, but since the mammogram showed nothing, my first procedure was an MRI. It showed that I had 3 sites in my left breast.  Next they needed to biopsy the sites.  Two they were able to find with an ultra sound, the third one they could not.  Which meant I needed an MRI biopsy.  Results showed that two spots were cancerous and the third was not.  That was good news since it meant the cancer had not spread past the two sites and the two lymph nodes.  The doctors also needed to make sure the cancer hadn't spread to other parts of the body and they do that with a PET scan.  I didn't realize that a PET scan involves injecting liquid radiation into my body for a minute and then waiting an hour to let it travel all through my body.  Not gonna lie, that freaked me out a little.  The nurse reassured me by letting me know I would only be radioactive for 24 hours. I met with a surgeon and met my oncologist (who I love!). He explained my chemo regimen and what to expect.
The last steps before starting chemo was an echo cardiogram to make sure my heart was healthy enough to withstand the chemo (it is 😊).  I also decided to have a port inserted into my chest.  I will have 18 chemo treatments total and the port will be easier than having the needle in my veins. Between the biophys and port insertion I looked like I had been in a knife fight.
Oh, and I had lots of mammograms!

For those of you that are interested or familiar with breast cancer, I have estrogen/progesterone negative, HER2 positive cancer

It Wasn't a Mammogram

Mammograms are great.  They help find cancer in many women. A mammogram was not how I found out I had cancer.  My shoulder was how I found out.  My shoulder had been hurting for weeks and I finally decided to go to the doctor.  While she was examining me, she discovered  I had swollen lymph nodes.  She sent me for a chest x-ray and a mammogram both showed nothing. The next step was a biopsy on my lymph nodes which tested positive for cancer.  

What about the shoulder pain?  Completely unrelated.  However, as soon as I received the diagnosis, the pain was gone and no doctor could explain it.  I have an explanation, divine intervention.  If my shoulder had not been hurting, I would not have gone to the doctor and who knows how long until I would have found the cancer.  God works in mysterious ways!

The Day I Got the News

March 22, 2017 the day my life was divided in two parts.

That was the day I found out I had cancer. I was in the parking lot at the bank and returned a message from the doctors office.  I hoped it was good news, but a part of me knew what the news would be. I think maybe some part of me had always known..Still, I wasn't prepared for the words "the test results show positive for breast cancer".  I remember the lady on the other end of the line telling me to take deep breaths and  I remember how kind she was, she has to give people terrible news all day and yet she did it with such kindness.  And then I cried.